Pirate Speak for Wenches at the office, after work and for the mangy cur your married.

AFTER WORK RESPONSES TO UNWANTED ATTENTIONS

"Will you kiss me"?

I will nay kiss ye on accoun' o' ye be ugly! Ya horn swogglin' bilge rat!

"Will you go to bed with me tonight"?

I will nay go t' bunk wi' ye since ye smell like you've been sleeping with pigs. Keep that perverted idee ou' o' yer head!

If you be thinking you're going to be puttin that (insert word here) near me, you'll be keel hauled!

At the office.

"Secretary, get me a donut and some coffee"

Get yer own donut an' coffee, ye mangy cur!

"Would you go out and get my lunch for me"?

get yer own lunch, ye bilge rat!

I need that report by 3 o'clock

I dasn't feel like gettin' that report t' ye by 3 o`clock! Ya lily livered swabbie!

“You’ll have to stay until that report is done. Sorry about that, but you don’t mind, do you?”

You want that piece of parchment on yur desk by when?  Don't hold ye breath, bucko.

Have you seen the wee lad down in accounting?  I'd wager he'd be game for a tumble

At Home

Honey, will you get me a drink?

You bloody scalleywag, git your own rum! If you be thinking you're going to be puttin that (insert word here) near me, you'll be keel hauled!

Where’s dinner?!

You said ye be wanting your dinner?  Try this one fur size (slap plate of glop into face of husband)